been a long time

So, I've kinda dropped the ball with this for a while...but in some ways that's a good thing...I usually only blog here when I'm mad about something...baby Guth is due in 9 weeks and everything is good so far! We are just trying to come up with some names for her. This names thing is hard cause they have to live with it forever and I don't want to scar her for life...ahhh.

the blame game

So I have been waiting for over a month for someone to call me and tell me when my OBGYN appt would be and where...I've called the clinic on base three times to check on the status of this appt and never got a call back until today...when a not so happy to take 30 friggin seconds out of her day clinic personell calls me back to tell me that I am essentially stupid and she loathes my existance...here is basically what happened...I went in for a test one month and three days ago...at that time I was told I was pregnant and asked a bunch of questions as to how educated I wanted to be and what classes I wanted to be involved in...I was told that I would be contacted by those classes and personell and scheduled for appt's at that time...at this point I thought I ought to mention that we would be moving in one month...this is when it all fell apart...the lady that later called me back and treated me like crap got side tracked on the moving thing and how strange a situation that was for scheduling (Yeah right...moving in the military is a huge part of BEING in the military so there is no way this was a first in the history of non normal circumstances in pregnancy the clinic have ever seen) and then never told me another thing other than conrgats...I left thinking I understood everything she had said...also with the beliefe that I would be getting a call for an obgyn appt...this never happened so I called several times to see what was up and that is when all this happened today...my thoughts are these: This is a first pregnancy for me and I wasn't really expecting it to be a positive test result so I was taken by suprise and trying to process this huge change...I may not have heard everything that I was told properly in the 5 minutes they take to tell you one million things...secondly, a simple print out of what steps I need to take and what steps are taken for me would be a no brainer to save a lot of these problems from happening to others...even a hand written note at the end of the full piece of paper they give you for the one sentence test result would have been better than nothing...also, when getting three calls from a client not only should each of them be returned in a timely manner, but with a little less rudeness and put-out-ness at actually having to answer a simple question from an unsure pregnant woman...I do not think I am asking too much or being ridiculous...I may be hormonal and pregnant but I am not stupid or careless in the health of my unborn child and I would appreciate being informed of important information properly and in a timely manner. I think at this point a well written comment/suggestion for the clinic will be in order...the thing that bothers me the most in all of this is the time it took to get the rude answer I tried to ask three times...at this point I will be very lucky to get an appt before we move to AZ...I feel emotionally bruised and medically ripped off after all of this. It should not be so difficult to get the answers, this in fact should have been something the receptionist could answer since the only thing that needed to be said was come to the cliic and go to the referral office for the numbers you need to call...not rocket science.
Okay, so enough about that....I'm mad enough I could go on for a while so I am cutting it short and saying Happy Mothers Day to all you women out there who know what it is to be mom.

I think I only blog when...

I'm not too happy with life...and have nothing nice to say...so for a change...look up MAGNOLIAPEARL.COM she is at least one nice thing in TX...amazing color and texture artist with a kick ass shed for a house...practically...I saw an article in a mag. about her when we all came to TX for Jason's graduation from Basic...but it was a generic women's mag. so it never occured to me that she might be from TX...or at least residing in TX...although why I don't know...any who...I just had a wonderful thought as to how to employ myself when I get to AZ and I am preggo...and I think it just might work...but we shall see...I'll keep myself informed of any new changes and may even blog about them if I think I'll have a few barf free moments to type...you know you don't feel good when you've read three large books in one day and not really moved other than that.

Babies and texas

So, I thought I might get away without the whole morning sickness thing...I was sorta right...I'm not sick only in the morning...but all day...for two weeks now...and it's getting old and I don't like that I get nothing done. The worst is making yourself eat when you feel like throwing up...because if you don't you won't eat at all cause you ALWAYS feel like throwing up...awful...so far, I don't like pregnancy at all. So much have I been feeling ill that I have often thought about calling the whole thing off...I'm not into abortion, so I don't know how it would work...but I don't know how long I can do this...what's really annoying is that the clinic hasn't called with an OBGYN apt yet...that would at least set my mind at ease...knowing that at some point a professional would be able to answer some questions...and I feel like I am letting Jason down...like I am hurting him by not doing anything...I feel fake even, I know how I feel and its not good...but when there is nothing wrong with you...your not throwing up....you look okay, I think it's hard for him to believe that I really feel this bad...I would be happy to trade if it were an option. I really need this to pass soon...I feel like I am at my end for this...like I can't continue on this same path feeling like this...desperate I guess. I'm sure a lot of it is nerves, not knowing what's all that normal or what I should do to fix things...I'm sure it's because I'm out in the middle of nowhere with no family or friends within driving distance...unless I'm up for a two day drive...and I don't feel like I should be driving at all right now...I feel so alone in this, Jason has school and friends from that and he feels fine...but I'm pregnant, in God forsaken TX alone all day feeling like death and there is no one to even talk to...I never thought about it till a few days ago, but there isn't going to be a shower for this little one...who would come? We are days away from family and friends...and to make good friends in such a short time as we will be in AZ before the baby is born would be a miracle that I am not holding out for...it takes time for people to want to invest in one another and I guess I don't have enough faith to believe that we will be able to make a few good friends in a few short months in a state we've never been to before. And I am really sick of moving...since we have been married we have moved together and individually six times...in less than two years...I am really wondering how we are going to pull off another in the next few weeks if I feel like this...even if we have a company do it for us I don't have what it takes to properly watch or direct them...and weve been talking about moving ourselves this next time because the movers broke and "lost" so much of our stuff last time...I know I am venting and that I'm not going to do anything rash...can't life ever let up?! Does it ever get good? Do things ever work out without something huge going wrong first? I don't want the pay off to be death, and a heaven I've never seen....I am not interested in living for something I havent been able to approve of yet...I know youre not supposed to hate heaven, but I'm sure it's possible for someone to and I bet ten bucks it would be me...I'll get posted on harp duty or some such nonsense and have to wear the dorky white costume and if I am really lucky it will have a big black bow to match the earthly one I had to wear at See's Candies...I am doomed to feel like crap and be the group geek for all eternity. I feel like a female Charlie Brown...but I don't get my own theme music...lame.
So, now on to the TX part of this blog: For some unknown reason they tend to drive half way on the shoulder of the road and half way on the "regular" part of the road....this is not because they want you to pass or because they plan to turn...this is just how they drive here. Instead of yielding on an on-ramp they come to a complete stop...so when you first get here you nearly rearend them everytime you get onto the freeway...they sell about 80 different kinds of chilie in the grocery stores, and in fact use beans for 90% of their cooking...if there is a bean, they know how to mess with it. It is also the only state where they could market anything armadillo...from purses to wine holders and bobble heads these little scaley guys are everywhere...I don't get it...we haven't even seen one yet.
Well, I think I've complained enough for one day...maybe I'll feel differently tomorrow.

Momeee

So, Dan Brown...thank you, I am doing much better...and in fact I just found out I am to be a mother in around 8-9 months...SCARY...I am sure to mess this child up...but then again it already has my genes so it's already messed...ha! Well, look out world cause this one is sure to be famous!

down

today blew...I just could't pull myself up out of the darkness...I made bad choices, didn't do my "chores", and waisted a lot of time...I haven't been like this in months and I hope tomorrow dawns bright...I don't survive well in the dreary gloom. I shouldn't complain, I live in a wealthy country, have a home and a wonderful husband/family...but sometimes...well, it's me that I don't always like and that is a hard thing to change or ask for differently... I've made a lot of progress in my recient life choices...but as today pointed out, not quite enough.
I'm gonna go read someone else's blog so I can look at someone else's "miserable" day.

Proper traveling etiquett

I probably have some of the worst spelling, but read me out...as I was traveling to Spokane for my Grandmothers funeral I learned a few valuable things about traveling...and how not to do it...

My story begins with Jason and I living in San Angelo TX for a few months while he finishes Tech school for the Airforce...this is a SMALL town and has but one airline that flies out of it's airport...more like roadside shed with crop duster...so not only do I have to transfer flights three times each way, these are the only flights available and if I miss one I am spending more time than I planned at the airport...so, the first flight is a 25 seater puddle jumper that takes me to Dallas...this was a full flight, full of screaming babies and turbulence...our next flight was the real winner though...from dallas to seattle...somehow they make this take four hours...but it's on a big plane...I had a window seat...but the last row....so there was no window...I get to be right next to the bathroom...it's my head rest....my seat doesn't recline and my seat neighbor looks like she's about 16...the only reason I am not sure about this is that she had a tatoo....but she looked and acted like 16 and she was traveling with her entire family....they were across the isle...mom, little brother, dad...other than the fact that as mom and daughter deplaned for coffee before our flight left for Seattle I thought to myself that little girl is dressed like a hoochy and mom is allowing it...and she had no idea what were proper movements in a mini skirt (like you probably shouldn't bend from the waist to fix your sandal and show the world your butt)...what I didn't know was she was going to be my seat mate...for four hours...well, I get on the plane, take in my seat....decide not to complain about it's crumminess and then wait for my seatmate to show up so I can start reading (you know you have to wait because as long as there is still someone to be seated youre going to get interupted and elbowed until they place their bottom on the cushion and buckle)...so we wait, and wait, and wait, and the little boy across the isle from me starts saying something about hoping mom and ana don't miss the flight....well, they didn't, but they did make us late for take off...so, here comes the blond hoochie mama at sixteen with krispy kreme and starsucks...oh, did I mention it was a whole box of Krispy Kreme?...and then for the next ten minutes she wrestles with the box, the drink, and the largest gold sparkly purse I have ever seen in my life...you could hid a small country in that thing...she finally gets settled and we take off...I try to start reading...but soon find her foot lodged into my side...apparently sitting cross legged in your seat won't give you vericose veins...but your seatmate may have a few broken ribs...so for three hours it's a mix of seat position changes, LOTS of eating (sandwich, chips, donuts, more chips, the drink, another drink from the big mama purse)being blinded by the sun hitting her sparkle purse every few minutes when she has to get something out, and listening to music on her comp WITHOUT earphones...I nearly lost my mind when the music and passing of comp across the isle with messages for mom like "Anistasia loves mom" and the fighting about stolen money from dads wallet ensued...but I had no idea I was in for this topper...this is the mother of all toppers too...I know at this point I sound like a whiner, she was young and maybe a bit foolish...more than likley no more self absorbed than I would be if I had been allowed it at that age...but I was on my way to a funeral, I had been up since 4am and it was now 4pm, I still had another flight to catch and hadn't had anything to eat since I got up at 4am, I was not feeling very generous with my understanding or turning of the cheek...so when this lovely creature started reading her lines to OKLAHOMA outloud and singing all her parts I had to excuse myself...not only do I not care for that show....but who does that? Also, I might add that she had the worst accent I've ever heard attempted at such things...that was my last hour...I now know her entire part in a musical...and that her theater director must be deaf...cause it was sounding more like cats than any character in Oklahoma!
So, dear travelers, remember next time you decide to make the whole flight late and then pester your seat mate for four hours that they may be on their way to a funeral...and may not mind making it a double.

Anastasia, wherever you are, I hope life teaches you to think of others, if only on occassion...your beauty will not always be available to save you...and in this case I didn't give a rats behind if you were Jessica Simpson....you were unpleasant to endure...never the less, I have now blogged and can now get over it and move on.

Stop the death!

So, in the last 6 months I have lost my remaining Grandparents...my moms dad is still alive but I've not thought of him as a grandparent...a title of honor and respect in a long time...I hope God has mercy on him. Anyway, my Grandmother Mary Jane (how cool is that name?!) Just passed away in Feb...this death was only easier to process because we have been expecting it for 6 years...I miss her though...she was a woman to take note of and that was apparent at her funeral, the most amazing testimony to the life of a mere human I have ever been witness to...the best part is that faults and all every word spoken was true...that is rare my friends...most people are either a little good and a lot bad or a lot good and a little bad...Mary was all good with a sprinkling of personality and temper...the part that makes that different from others is that you loved all of it...even if you were scared for your life...and if you had crossed Grama you would be scared for your life...ahhh, so many good memories, she ALWAYS fell asleep when reading good night stories to you...so often that we grandkids decided she was reading herself good night stories...she had the worlds scariest basement, but some of the coolest stuff was down there so you had to swallow that fear and take an extra shoe to kill the jungle spiders with on your way down into the musty, vitaminy darkness...the fruit room as she called it (pantry) was stocked to high heaven with canned goods she had grown and canned herself...including one petrified jar of pickles (I wish I was old enough to have gotten to keep that...but alas it was out of my hands) then there was a "rec" room that was mostly storage of the unorganized fashion of medical books, vitamins, toys and musical instuments...there was afireplace in this room but we were never allowed a fire in it...probably because we would have burned down the house...but it was the coldest room in the whole place so you can see why we were always a hopin'...then, last and most spectacular was the second guest bedroom...this was the smallest room in the basement, darkest room in the basement, most favored room in the basement...it was entirely cedar wood panels and included a small closet...it had two single beds and two night stands as well as some of the scariest stuffed animals ever created....seriously, what were toy makers thinking in the 1930's? huge heads and buggy eyes with tongues hanging out of odd colored mouths....ack! Anna, my older cousin was always queen of make believe and could come up with the best ideas...that basement room may never have been used as a guest room but it was everything from a train bunk room to a ships cabin...good times...upstairs was the ugliest shag carpet of all time...and I loved it....and another guest room with big bright windows and a pretty bed cover...also a cool closet that you had to step up into because there was a drawer full of toys at it's base...ahh, also a moldy sand box always full of cat poo...and a huge pear tree...no joke.
My Grandma was so cool she could talk to turkeys and they would talk back and she was probably the worlds finest whistler...she couldn't sing a note but she could whistel like a bird right along side the finest voices...and even though it was all health food at her house some of it rocked...like fig newtons and vitamin C tabs that we used to fight over because they tasted so good...thanks to Neo Life...those are the vitamins you want...the ones you have to fight over cause they taste like candy instead of ass.

Texas adventures

Texas is the most special state I have ever been to, or lived in....if you know me at all I am using my "special" special here...it is the only state that drivers go UNDER the speed limit on the freeway, where hitting skunks seems to be the point of getting in your texas truck, where they sell large dill pickles at the movie rental check out instead of candy, where you order a whopper and it comes with jalopenios and bbq sauce, where you can't find chilled white wine to save your life in a store, where they have tex mex food at a chinese buffet, where none of the peers have seen The Goonies, where there is a Town and Country gas station every block instead of Starsucks, where the water tastes so bad you either filter it and hold your breath as you swallow or visit one of many raindrop shaped huts to fill your five gallon bucket for a dollar, where 30 seconds of sprinkling rain causes massive car pile-ups, and where there is nothing even close to resembling home...now that the hangin party is here I should probably stop my rant.

Thank goodness we are going to Arizona next! Ha! Screw you flatest/ugliest/most pointless state of all time....go make yourself your own country cause we don't want you! (okay a bit too harsh, but it's nothing compared to oregon)

My name is Nellie Jo

So we cheated, we got one of those internet plug in thingies that lets us use other peoples wireless if they don't have it locked...we can't afford internet at the moment and our library is closed...so we cheated.
Robbie, I have been wanting to answer your post about our closeness while not even dating but haven't been on the net...so here goes:
Jason tried to woo me for 8 months and I denied his every woo...we were friends but I was actively no more than that...then, on the day he left for college (again) he left me a letter and a brown paper bag of things he saw and bought because he has thought of me when he saw them...as I read the letter and looked at the stuff I was so blown away...floored actually...and right then it was like a light switch got thrown because I knew in my heart that he was "the one" and that I needed to reconcile that thought to myself over the next few months while he was at school...so we wrote a lot and I never let on that things had changed on my end...I didn't want to mess up his schooling and all and I knew I would need to time to get over all I had gone through before he came into my life. Okay, I guess that about sums it up.
In other news, the strangest things have been going on lately...I have been looking for several people lately, well, almost since the days we parted, but I have been unsucessful until the last month...when three of them have gotten in contact with me...on their own accord...two through this blog...so odd....I love it thought because these are people I care a lot about and have missed so much in the last few years! I never thought my blog title would "give me away" But apparently everyone knows I have a potty mouth and like bathroom words...having a less common name probably helps too....so, if anyone else is in the market for looking up a Nellie Jo, this is more than likely her...if you didn't like her or she was mean/etc to you, then this is not her...I am sweet as pie and I never lie...oops, just did...seriously, I do appologize for any grief I may have caused this world...it would not suprise me to find I had made a few enemies is grade school, I was a stupid kid....at this point though I would be a bit more suprised cause I've grown up a lot and I like people...sometimes....so if youre mad at me now I'm sorry...it's the best I can do without having anything to reference.